The McDonalds Olympics
I was debating weather or not to post this, but because my mind has zero on deck circle and this is pretty freakin funny... it’s batter up baby! Every one I’ve ever laid eyes on has experienced this dreaded moment in one way, shape, or form, when you say “Sweet Jesus help me live, I promise I'll never eat that many fresh cut jalapenos again.” So the numerous ridiculously hot peppers that were strategically placed on my “I'm So Stoked I'm Home Burger" Monday night ushered me into a depraved Olympic event yesterday morning called... "Let's see how many kids I can drive to school without blowing a gasket" (metaphorically speaking). So for any of you who have had the privilege of participating in this "running" event, you fully understand the complexity and uncertainty of this competition. So after a few spontaneous bouts of labor pain, I was able to push through because of the breathing techniques I learned when our children came into the world. But then it happened… like a jalapeno tsunami from hell that decided to unleash the kraken. I realized that time was not on my side; I had a very small window to find a porcelain messiah that could save me from the consequences of my wicked choices. It was then I looked up and saw the Golden Arches leading me home like a lighthouse in a sketchy bowel storm. I ran into that heaven sent McDonalds past all the guilt ridden humanity who were waiting to start there day with horrible life defeating decisions. As I made a quick right turn for my salvation I slipped on the greasy floor like an unprepared skater at the Ice Capades. As I lay there for a second I thought to myself, people say love is the best feeling, but seriously… finding a toilet when you have diarrhea is much more glorious! As I got up a sweet old lady enjoying her morning coffee with her husband asked, “Are you ok?” to which I responded “Yep, just super stoked to see the decor in the men’s Restroom” (Not sure she will ever be the same.) So I made it without having to buy new sweat pants. Whoop! Whoop! The journey was a tad crampy and filled with lots of cold sweats, but I learned something as I sat and stared at that stall door. Life is super hard, and laughing really is the best medicine... Not so much when you have diarrhea, but you get it. Happy Wednesday! Laugh, live, and love. Just another day in the life of Daddy of 6, writing music for a small world.
P.S. My wife doesn't know this happened.... because my wife won't think it's funny! smile emoticon